ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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