Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
