When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
