Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
