You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
