you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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