You really coming over, don't trick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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