There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
