she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well you can't waste a boner
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
