I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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