this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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