I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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