I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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