Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
