If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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