Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
