i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
