I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
