but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
