we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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