walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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