there's paper in my vomit.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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