Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
