I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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