I need help removing her.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
