Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
