Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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