if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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