New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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