I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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