First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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