We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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