Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
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afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
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I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.