I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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