Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.