Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma