I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making