so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.