Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I ejaculated my soul out.