he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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