Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
