just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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