I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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