i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
