I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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