You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
