Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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