i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize