my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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