The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
