Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
