i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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