Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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