if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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