I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
