Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Someone shit on the floor
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
