It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
