i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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