they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize