I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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