Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
