Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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