Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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