My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
