Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
