I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
