12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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