guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
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If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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